Okay everyone, I know it’s been awhile since my last post. I have been extremely busy working and going to school and it’s been really exhausting. But I wanted to at least post my latest non-fiction piece for you guys. I turned it in to my teacher but he does not like the mystery in the piece. What do you guys think?
The car door slams behind me as I throw my purse and an apron on the passenger side. Late, as usual. Nothing to worry about, they’re used to it by now. I start up the jeep and a ringing noise plays its ill-fated melody, strong and irritating, reminding the driver that a car payment will be due in just a few days. He smiles at the threat. We turn out onto the street, careful not to hit the cars parked along both sides of the road. It’s a typical workday, cars tracking along as they begrudgingly make their way to work once again. Our drive is short, less than 10 minutes.
My hands start sweating and I wipe them on my apron, trying to ignore him and his constant berating of everything I do. Everything I do is never good enough for him. I focus on the road, trying to ignore him still. As we turn onto Rosewood,my heart begins feeling jittery, jumping up and down at a rate that makes my head spin. I look around and try to find a distraction, anything to drown out his intentional aggravation. There’s a man walking his dog; the dog fighting him with every step, determined to forge his own path. He doesn’t want to serve a master, and neither do I. I fight his commands with everything in me but yet he always seems to control it all, even this, my simple ride to work. The sun beats down, a expected humid Carolina summer day, but I feel hotter than I should with the air conditioning on full blast. Sweat pours down the back of my neck, sending icy chills through me as the air hits the moisture on my skin. He laughs at me as I try to keep my mind on the road…on the day ahead…on the opportunity for making money…really anything, anything to distract myself from him.
I pass the little Indian gas station and think briefly about getting a snack, but the idea is dismissed as quickly as it came. He says no, and he always has to be in control. “How can you go in to the store like that?”, he asks pointedly. “You’re clearly having a mental breakdown of some sorts. They’ll laugh at you, you know that”. And I believe him, like I always do. I’m already
late anyway. The restaurant is only a couple blocks up; I can see it coming up now. It’s so close but I’m having trouble focusing, remembering which parking lot I need to park in, and which spot is allowed, and if I should park in shade or sun, or the front or the back? Does it matter? Everything feels heavy and I can’t focus. He is on a roll now and he won’t shut up. I tell him to shut up but he just talks over me.
I pull in to a space, just a random space, because my heart is beating so hard that I’m sure I shouldn’t be driving. I turn off the car and sit there, frozen. I’ll need more time before I go in, if I make it in at all. He might not let me, because all he wants to do is control me, and cause me pain. And I let him. I can never get away from him. He’s the landlord that is constantly asking you for more rent. He’s the teacher who thinks you have nothing but time and loads you up with so many assignments you don’t have time to sleep or think about anything else. He’s the roommate who needs to borrow everything under the sun but never returns the favor. And he’s the abusive boyfriend who won’t let you out of his sight. He’s the monster you were sure was under your bed when you were five years old and couldn’t sleep at night because you were so terrified of what would happen once you fell asleep. He’s anxiety and he’s never going away.
Basically, he thinks I should either make anxiety a extremely fictionalized character throughout the piece letting readers know he is fictional or take out the personification completely. But I really like it the way it is, but perhaps just tweak it a bit here and there. Please give your honest opinion and post in the comments. I really would love the feedback!